So I am in the middle of CPE right now. This is making for a very very long
summer. I am getting used to the patient
visits, and I actually enjoy them to a certain degree, but the days are long
and I am exhausted easily. But the work
in the hospital is nothing compared to the ever increasing hell that is the ‘group’
work. Two days a week I sit in a tiny
room with 7 other women where we analyze patient encounters that we have
had. If that is all the group work was, everything
would be fine, but it seems that we spend much more time doing exercises that
require us to analyze our feelings. One
of the things that has been pointed out about me on several occasions is that I
don’t approach things emotionally enough.
Okay, I may be more analytical than your stereotypical female, and I am
sure that there is something to gain in me learning to share my emotions, but I
can’t but help to notice that those who are all emotion are not being pushed to
think a little more logically.
Why is that? Is it
because we are all women and despite the best efforts of feminism we are still
stuck in these stereotypes that require women to feel deeply about every little
thing? Do we think that the emotional
response is the final response? I mean,
I often have an emotional response, but it is my initial response, I move on
from that point. I wonder if the problem
is that I have already done the processing of my issues long before I came to
CPE.
I have been sick this week and that is making me tired and
defenseless. Which means I now feel free
to be emotional about my CPE experience and the emotion I am feeling is
irritation.
Of course that irritation might be gone by tomorrow, as I
will have processed it and learned to think more logically about my
situation. That is, what good is it to
be irritated by something that I have no control over and really, in the end,
just need to get through?
Day Two
(Not the most inspired writing, but it is writing all the same, and at this point that is all that matters)
This isn't easy, is it? My group is not all women, and I'm not the only guy struggling to interpret what it means to "feel your way through it"! What I am learning about myself, though, is that leading with my emotions and attempting to express them does make me more approachable.
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