So I am in the middle of CPE right now. This is making for a very very long summer. I am getting used to the patient visits, and I actually enjoy them to a certain degree, but the days are long and I am exhausted easily. But the work in the hospital is nothing compared to the ever increasing hell that is the ‘group’ work. Two days a week I sit in a tiny room with 7 other women where we analyze patient encounters that we have had. If that is all the group work was, everything would be fine, but it seems that we spend much more time doing exercises that require us to analyze our feelings. One of the things that has been pointed out about me on several occasions is that I don’t approach things emotionally enough. Okay, I may be more analytical than your stereotypical female, and I am sure that there is something to gain in me learning to share my emotions, but I can’t but help to notice that those who are all emotion are not being pushed to think a little more logically.
Why is that? Is it because we are all women and despite the best efforts of feminism we are still stuck in these stereotypes that require women to feel deeply about every little thing? Do we think that the emotional response is the final response? I mean, I often have an emotional response, but it is my initial response, I move on from that point. I wonder if the problem is that I have already done the processing of my issues long before I came to CPE.
I have been sick this week and that is making me tired and defenseless. Which means I now feel free to be emotional about my CPE experience and the emotion I am feeling is irritation.
Of course that irritation might be gone by tomorrow, as I will have processed it and learned to think more logically about my situation. That is, what good is it to be irritated by something that I have no control over and really, in the end, just need to get through?
(Not the most inspired writing, but it is writing all the same, and at this point that is all that matters)