Monday, August 27, 2012

journal entry: I see an existential crisis coming on...

It doesn't take much to make a good day, a joyful day even, end on an empty note.  It doesn't take much at all really, just a moment, a single moment of forgetfulness, of letting your guard down or thinking that life could only get better and then, BAM, you are hit by all that anxiety and uncertainty as it comes rushing back in.

Of course the anxiety is always there, and the uncertainty can't be helped.  What really happens is that there are times when I forget, when I am distracted enough not to worry.

This is not something serious, in fact, I don't think what I experience is in any way unique.  We are far more similar than we give ourselves credit for, we're just all to afraid to express those fears to each other.  Thank goodness too, can you imagine a world where everyone always spoke open and honestly about their deep fears and anxieties?  It is not just out of personal protection that we don't discuss these sorts of things too often, we are politely refraining from burdening our neighbor with our problems.

For me these anxieties  are in large part school related.  This is my last year of Seminary and for the life of me I cannot remember where I let those other two years get off to.  And here it is the final act of a play that has been remarkably similar to so many other plays I have been in, it is uncanny really.  Only difference now is that I know how this story goes, but I am still looking for that plot twist, that surprise ending.

Damn, I am maudlin tonight.

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